Why Boundaries Are Important When You’re “In Love”
Let’s be real.
Love makes you stupid.
Not the cute, romantic kind of stupid- where you forget where you put your keys because you’re daydreaming about them. I mean the kind of stupid that makes you ignore every red flag, excuse behavior you swore you never would, and wake up one day realizing you don’t even recognize yourself anymore.
We don’t talk about this enough.
We act like being “in love” should be an all-consuming, give-everything, take-nothing, sacrifice-yourself kind of experience. That if we just love hard enough, stay patient enough, and endure enough, things will work out.
But love without boundaries isn’t love. It’s a slow-motion train wreck.
And I should know- because I’ve been in the wreckage.
How I Let Love Wreck Me
I’ve been the girl who said yes when she wanted to say no.
The girl who let things slide because “it’s not that bad.”
The girl who poured everything into someone else, thinking love meant saving them while I was the one drowning.
I’ve been in love that made me feel like a prisoner. Love that made me question my worth, my sanity, and whether I’d ever be good enough.
I have stayed too long.
I have made excuses.
I have ignored God’s warning signs because I thought love should hurt a little.
Maybe you have, too.
The Ugly Truth About Boundaries & Why We Avoid Them
The reason most of us don’t set boundaries in love isn’t because we don’t know we should. It’s because boundaries come with consequences.
🚨 Boundaries mean risking losing someone who doesn’t respect them.
🚨 Boundaries mean disrupting toxic comfort zones.
🚨 Boundaries mean saying, I will not sacrifice my peace for this relationship, even if it means standing alone.
And that? That’s terrifying.
Because when you’re in love, the last thing you want to do is rock the boat. You don’t want to be the difficult one, the demanding one, the one who asks for “too much.”
But let me tell you something that took me years to understand:
If love requires you to abandon yourself, it’s not love. It’s self-betrayal.
What Happens When You Don’t Set Boundaries?
❌ You start resenting them instead of loving them.
❌ You feel exhausted instead of fulfilled.
❌ You find yourself justifying things that shouldn’t need justifying.
And yet, so many of us stay.
Why?
Because we’re afraid that if we set boundaries, we’ll end up alone.
But let me ask you this- what’s lonelier?
-Being in a relationship where you are unheard, unseen, and undervalued?
-Or choosing yourself, trusting God, and making space for the right love?
What Boundaries Actually Look Like in Love
🔹 Saying “no” without feeling guilty.
🔹 Expecting respect and actually walking away if you don’t get it.
🔹 Refusing to be a rehab center for someone who refuses to change.
🔹 Not giving endless second chances to someone who keeps hurting you.
🔹 Recognizing that love should feel safe, not like an emotional battleground.
Why Setting Boundaries Was the Hardest (and Best) Thing I’ve Ever Done
I have lost people I loved because I set boundaries.
I have walked away from relationships I prayed would work.
I have had to sit with loneliness and trust that God was making room for something better.
But let me tell you what happened when I finally put boundaries in place:
-I stopped begging for love.
-I stopped feeling like I had to prove my worth.
-I stopped repeating cycles of pain I swore I’d never fall into.
-I found peace.
-I found a love that didn’t require me to shrink, settle, or suffer.
And I need you to hear this: The right person will honor your boundaries. The wrong person will make you feel bad for having them.
So if you’re in a relationship where love feels like a battlefield, ask yourself: Am I losing myself in this relationship? Do I feel valued, respected, and safe? Would I want my children to be in a love like this?
And if the answer is no? You know what you need to do.
It’s terrifying.
It’s uncomfortable.
But it’s also necessary.
Because love should never feel like you’re drowning. And if it does? It’s time to swim to shore.
With love,
Someone Who’s Been There
