3 Practical Tips to Stay Grounded During Emotional Turmoil
Here I am- seven years after the death of my daughter- only just beginning to truly understand grief. Today marks the anniversary of when she was taken off life support, so here I am- starting a blog.
In my journey, I’ve tried it all. I’ve tried to get rid of the pain and cover up the pain, I’ve blanketed myself in the pain and pretended that it wasn’t there…but it never works. There is no way to get over it and only temporary solutions to minimizing the emotional turmoil that was my daughter’s death in my heart. Some days the pain doesn’t show up as a direct “missing my daughter” pain- it’s, “I have no energy to get out of bed”, everyone in the world is so loud”, “I have too much to do, and not enough time” or the demons in my head screaming, “You’re not like them. They won’t understand. Isolate.”
Because therapy, drugs, sex and distractions didn’t work- here are three practical ways that help me get through the hard days. Maybe they’ll help you gain some mental clarity, too.
1) Go to my “Safe Space”. Yes, it sounds simple- maybe even childish- but having a safe space has been life-changing for me. I used think Isolation was the answer, but I’ve learned that isolation is just the negative side of what a true safe space can offer. For me, my ultimate safe space is God. Whether I’m in my bedroom, my car, or in public. I turn to Him. I pray, in my head, in my heart- for guidance, strength and comfort. If I can muster the energy while in private, I flip open my bible, too. But mostly, I pray. It’s not always an extravagant “dropping-to-the-knees” and crying out (though, I certainly have those moments), but it’s a simple, quiet prayer in my body, mind and soul- where I seek Him before continuing on with any part of my day. As a once non-believer, I never saw that I would be where I am today, But in those moments where my focus is on Him, and I seek Him, I am in my safe space…because He always comes. There is nothing more comforting that knowing He is there and feeling His presence. There is no greater way to center myself, than to have Him center me. I could NEVER do it on my own!
2) Journaling. What used to be a bore to me, is now a Saving Grace to my mental health. When I first started journaling, years ago, I thought to myself “How dumb”. But when Google, friends, professionals and everything in between recommends it- there’s probably a reason why! I don’t start journaling paragraph and page long entries on my hard days, but I jot down how I feel, and a few things of what I want to do, what I feel like I can’t do…and then I slip in a prayer to God in my journal entries, too. Journaling is an effective way to calm the nerves, focus on mindset, and gives us the chance to look back and see personal growth. My greatest and most favorited tip: DONT JOURNAL IN A WAY THAT YOU THINK SOMEONE ELSE MIGHT READ IT. Journal in the way that you know only you will ever read it. Leave it REAL and RAW. Start off with just a few sentences, let it work from there. You may not like it at first, and that’s okay. But the most you acclimate yourself to doing healthy things that you don’t like- the more you give yourself room to grow. GROWTH isn’t mean to be comfortable…that’s why we have growing pains.
3) Deep Breaths. No, seriously. Taking a step back, or sitting down, and then just breathing for a moment is such a powerful grounding tool. Taking a few deep breaths with slow inhales and exhales holds the power of calming our nervous systems and enhancing our mental clarity. This one is actually easier said than done, especially at first. There is nothing more frustrating than being told to “calm down” when you’re angry or upset. So attempting to force yourself to just take a few breaths can be harder than it seems. Especially when you struggle with anger or annoy yourself easily. When we allow ourselves to pause and reconnect with the present, we regain control over our thoughts and reactions. Teaching myself this very simple act helped me create a space where I was able to process my emotions more clearly, make better decisions, and find strength in hard moments. Peace is accessible within me, even in the midst of chaos.
If any of these help you, then I am so happy. If not, then that’s okay, too. You’ll find something that works for you in your personal life, and I pray for that for you. Thank you for reading!
JANUARY 13TH, 2025.
-COURTNEY LYONS
